Justification

Yesterday confirmed for me why I am trying to get out of this marriage. He started the day by blaming me for the problems he was having with our tax people because I didn't take care of it for him. Then I was a "fat cow" and then last night I had closed the windows and put the blinds down, and he checked the blinds to make sure they were locked. Some of them weren't so I was treated like I was the stupidest person on Earth and then told that I am no longer allowed to touch the blinds and if I do it will show him that I "spite" him and disrespect him. He also told me before all of this that if he were a "beater" he would punch me in the face because I opened the basement windows for fresh air, but I opened them the "wrong way". Yeah... crazy.
After all of that stuff, he then suddenly felt bad and asked me if he was a bad husband, and if I loved him. I told him that I don't love him most of the time and that I was scared of him because he had threatened to kill me before. He said he didn't want me to be scared of him, so then he asked me what he could do to let me know he "disapproved" of something other than by intimidating me. I told him that I didn't know and that he needs to go to counseling because what he "disapproves" of is not normal anyway. He then turned the conversation back on me and somehow twisted stuff to show me that I make him react the way he does and if I didn't make him react that way he wouldn't be the way he is. I just sat there feeling defeated because no matter what he says about feeling bad and wanting to change, it always turns back to what it was because he feels everything is my fault and blames me for stuff that doesn't even make sense. This whole day gave me justification of getting help and getting out. I just wish it didn't take so much time.