Update

I figured I should update what has been going on since I left. It has almost been a month and I am happier than I have ever been. I love going home now and being in peace with my cats. I am able to relax, I no longer grind my teeth when I sleep. The stress I have is very little and is just related to everyday things. I have gotten the order of protection permanent for a year, so I have no contact with him whatsoever. Apparently he is getting a bunch of counseling and admitted to everything he has done, but it is only because I left him. If he really cared about me he would have done it years ago. I found a lawyer, but have to save the money to pay her so I won't be filing for divorce until September. She is awesome though and I don't have to worry about that part of it. I am also taking a short vacation in August to see my family and friends out west and I can't wait!! It is odd to me how I can just walk away from a 14 year relationship and be completely detached and ready to move on. My counselor points out that I have been preparing for 6 months, so it wasn't like I just made an instant decision to leave the situation. I guess so. I don't miss him at all, but find myself worrying about him a little bit. Like today is his birthday and I wonder how he is handling being alone. He never has been and birthdays are difficult for him because he was adopted and he always gets emotional on his birthday. I guess it is a good thing that they took his guns away from him. That way I don't have to worry about him shooting himself. Other than the slight wondering and worrying, I do not regret anything and I certainly do not have any desire to ever go back to him. I am so glad that I got away and I will never put myself in that situation again.

I am out!!

I did it! I moved out last Monday when he was at work. Then I got an order of protection on Tuesday and he apparently knows it is his fault and has sought help. I will not go back though. There are too many things and too many bad memories for me to ever go back to him. Hopefully he will get help and then it will prevent someone from going through it in the future. If I have stopped the cycle, that would be great, but people like him don't change very easily. I am happy though and I am back at work so the normal routine has started back up. We'll see how things go.