Update

I figured I should update what has been going on since I left. It has almost been a month and I am happier than I have ever been. I love going home now and being in peace with my cats. I am able to relax, I no longer grind my teeth when I sleep. The stress I have is very little and is just related to everyday things. I have gotten the order of protection permanent for a year, so I have no contact with him whatsoever. Apparently he is getting a bunch of counseling and admitted to everything he has done, but it is only because I left him. If he really cared about me he would have done it years ago. I found a lawyer, but have to save the money to pay her so I won't be filing for divorce until September. She is awesome though and I don't have to worry about that part of it. I am also taking a short vacation in August to see my family and friends out west and I can't wait!! It is odd to me how I can just walk away from a 14 year relationship and be completely detached and ready to move on. My counselor points out that I have been preparing for 6 months, so it wasn't like I just made an instant decision to leave the situation. I guess so. I don't miss him at all, but find myself worrying about him a little bit. Like today is his birthday and I wonder how he is handling being alone. He never has been and birthdays are difficult for him because he was adopted and he always gets emotional on his birthday. I guess it is a good thing that they took his guns away from him. That way I don't have to worry about him shooting himself. Other than the slight wondering and worrying, I do not regret anything and I certainly do not have any desire to ever go back to him. I am so glad that I got away and I will never put myself in that situation again.