It has been a month since I wrote

Wow, time sure flies. I just finished reading all of the posts that I put in this blog over the last 8 months. Of course it made me cry with some of the memories, however I didn't even write half of the stuff he said and did to me. It really was a defense mechanism that I had mental blocks about stuff. There was soo much more that he said and did that I never wrote about. It is probably a good thing that I didn't write all of it, but I remember more now than I did when I was going through it. Anyway, things are good in my life. I am on vacation in California right now and spent yesterday at Laguna Beach. I am visiting my best friend and her family that I haven't seen in over 4 years, and I am so happy. I feel good and free! I do not yet have the money to file for divorce, but am hoping to do so by the end of September. I have not missed him one single day since I have left and I have never regretted my decision. The pastor of the church I used to go to is counseling Erik and emails me occasionally and seems surprised that I am going to file for divorce and not wait however many years it takes for Erik to be "better". That is why I had to separate myself from church for a while because I do believe I have very valid reasons for not continuing the marriage, but the church doesn't seem to agree with me. My theory is that if I ever went back to him some day, something would trigger him to treat me the same exact way he always has, or worse. I do not love him and have no desire to stay married to him. I am young enough still that I can hopefully find happiness possibly with someone else, or through becoming a foster parent or adoptive parent or something like that. I am still pursuing nursing, but not how he wanted me to. My plan is a little slower than his was, but I want to be able to live and not be overwhelmed by rushing through school.
I am so glad that I stayed strong and got out. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will continue to reach my goals. I had to make a list of things I wanted to do because I was getting depressed because I was feeling useless and like I had no purpose anymore, after I left him, because I had nobody to take care of. It helped for me to write down things I want to do and so I have already started doing them and am looking forward to the future.